Dear Alice,
I am a nineteen year old woman who had sex for the first time this summer. My boyfriend and I have known each other for a very long time and we have an incredible relationship. Hence, our first time was great except for penetration hurt terribly. I kind of expected that, but when the incredible pain did not stop after we had slept with each other for a couple of times, I got worried. I have been talking to friends, who could not relate to my experiences. They keep telling me to go on. It will eventually stop hurting. For now, my boyfriend and I have resorted to other methods to reach climax and he says he is perfectly satisfied with that. The problem is that I have a feeling I am missing out on an important part of sex. I was wondering if there is such a thing as a physical condition that makes penetration permanently painful. And if there is what can be done about it? I don't think we are making technical mistakes because we are pretty resourceful and sensitive lovers. I hope you can give me some information.
---Unfulfilled
Dear Unfulfilled,
There are any number of reasons why you might be experiencing painful intercourse. The most common reasons are poor communication skills, lack of trust or commitment, and sexual ignorance. It sounds like in your case, it is caused by none of the above. There are also several physical reasons you might experience pain during intercourse (all are remedy-able):
- Local infection: Some vaginal infections can be present in a non
acute, visually unnoticeable form. The friction of a penis can cause the
infection to flare up.
- Insufficient lubrication: If your natural secretions of lubrication
are not enough, or your timing is off, the friction of a penis in your
vagina could be quite painful. In this case, using an extra lubricant,
such as Aqualube, might help.
- Tightness in the vaginal entrance: The first few times you have
intercourse, an unstretched hymen can cause pain. And whenever you are tense and preoccupied, the vaginal entrance is not likely to loosen up enough, therefore making getting the penis in hurtful. In addition, if
you try to get the penis in before you are fully aroused, you might still
be too tight, even though you are lubricated enough. Slow down and take your time.
- Pain deep in the pelvis: This can be caused by tears in the ligaments that support the uterus, infections of the cervix, uterus or tubes, endometriosis, or cysts or tumors on the ovaries. All of these may be medically treatable.
- Painful penetration -- vaginismus: This is a strong, involuntary
tightening of your vaginal muscles -- a spasm of the outer third of your vagina which makes entrance by the penis acutely painful. This can be physically or psychologically based.
Whatever the cause, you needn't put up with the pain! Get a good gynecological exam at Primary Care Medical Services (call x4-2284 to make an appointment), and find out what's going on. In the meantime, keep on doing what you're already doing -- finding other ways to give each other pleasure. Feel good!
- Alice
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Painful intercourse
