Dear Alice,
I am a student at Columbia College who has a big crush on a friend of
mine. While we are pretty close, I am not interested in ruining a good
relationship if he isn't interested. The thing is that I have begun
recently picturing myself married to this guy in thirty years and seeing
him across the breakfast table talking about our kids. I've never felt
this way about a guy before. It has usually been more superficial. I keep
meaning to tell him but I get really shy because of my fear of destroying
our friendship. I think about him often. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Looking for a little advice from a third party
Dear Looking for a little advice from a third party,
First of all, slow down. Thirty years is a long time from now --
especially if you don't know if the feelings are mutual. Considering that
you're good friends, how about talking with him about how you feel? Let
him know that maintaining the friendship is your top priority, but that
you're feeling attracted and interested in something more. Check it
out with him -- maybe he's feeling the same thing, or maybe he's not. But,
if you emphasize the friendship, at least you have something to fall back
on, if the interest is not mutual. And, Alice wouldn't bring up the
breakfast table thing with him during that first discussion; it has major
potential to scare him away quickly. Slow down, pick a time and place
where he won't feel threatened, and you both can talk about where your
relationship is and where you'd each like it to go. Nothing
ventured, nothing gained.
- Alice
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