Is it the ghost or me?

In some ways, you've had a "double" experience. You chose to have an abortion and felt fine about your decision. However, in the process of gathering information to obtain your abortion, you had a miscarriage. It may even seem as if you were pre-empted.

When you say the miscarriage "hurt a lot," it isn't clear about whether you are talking about emotional feelings or physical pain. If you are talking about your feelings, this is normal. Some women go through the procedure, and then go back to studying and/or working with tremendous relief. Others, confident in their decision, have no regrets, yet still feel sad.

Your body has gone through enormous hormonal changes, which can cause you to experience your feelings more intensely than you ordinarily might. This will subside with time.

If after a month or two you find that you are still having these feelings, if the feelings intensify, or if your feelings interfere with your schoolwork, you can call Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS), located on the 8th Floor of Alfred Lerner Hall, at x4-2878 to schedule an appointment with a therapist.

If it still hurts physically, it would be important for you to see your health care provider for follow-up. As a Columbia student, you can go to Primary Care Medical Services, located on the 3rd and 4th Floors of John Jay Hall. Call x4-7426 to make an appointment with a provider.

You also might talk with your boyfriend about what each of you wants from your relationship, about ways to meet one another's needs, and about how to enjoy yourselves together. Gradually, you will feel more like yourself, and that your relationship with your boyfriend may strengthen in the process.

Alice