Dear Alice,
My 15 year old son has started to smoke. (We do not smoke, although I did
smoke for 4 years some 22 years ago). We have presented him with as much
information as possible about why he should not smoke, he has committed to try
to stop — but I am not sure how much pressure to put on him — do I continue to
ask? I am tempted to leave him some of the information I found here and on the
tobacco.org http — only as a reminder.
You probably cannot provide me with an answer without knowing more details
about our relationship etc., but it is good for me to vent and to continue to
think about this — I want to trust him and believe him, but I do not want to be
stupid and gullible as well. I guess trust is more important, and he has
earned that in the past — so I might as well continue now.
Thanks for listening and I really would appreciate any comments.
— A concerned Mother
Dear A concerned Mother,
Your question is a familiar one: how can I get someone to stop smoking? If you wanted to get yourself to quit, you would find that it takes tremendous will power and motivation. A certain candidate's statements notwithstanding, tobacco (nicotine) probably is addictive, and we are learning more about how companies manufacturing cigarettes have relied on this to sell their products. But back to quitting. Most young people don't particularly want to quit, and this makes giving up the habit especially difficult. Teenage friends of Alice point to the social aspects of smoking, the stresses they are under, and even the fact that it gives them something to do with their hands. When asked what would make them quit, many say "nothing would." One remarked that if her best friend were dying of cancer and coughed out a final request for her to quit, she still wouldn't quit. So, what might work to get young people to quit, or at least to cut down, which is perhaps a more realistic goal?
Here are a few possibilities:
- A kissing relationship with a non-smoker, and an appeal from that person to stop tasting like an ashtray.
- An appeal by a parent (especially one who formerly smoked): we're talking heavy pleading here — tears, on the knees, guilt, promises, incentives — going all out. Anything less is wasted.
- A group decision to stop smoking among one's friends, possibly as a political statement involving the tobacco companies and distributors.
- Free nicotine gum or patches, although this is only method, not motivation.
- Extra cash (think of all the money you could save and/or spend on something else!)
- A new way of thinking: smoking isn't cool.
Something else to consider: an Alice reader wrote to Alice and said that no matter what smokers do to cover up their smelly habit, such as smother themselves in fragrances, they still reek and smell like smoke. Besides not being a turn-on to non-smokers, the smoke probably doesn't help those who are trying to quit as well.
It is true that many people give up smoking as they grow older, and since the potential
damage caused by cigarettes is measured in "pack years," and a total of less than 20 pack years may give those who quit a chance at normal adult health, a realistic goal may be to minimize smoking and the opportunities to smoke until an individual is ready to quit — something society is already attempting to do.
In terms of overall smoking, prevention is probably key. It has been reported that 90 percent of smokers begin before age 18, with an average age of 14 — too young to legally buy
cigarettes. By keeping cigarettes out of the hands (and mouths) of young teens, the
difficult process of cutting down and stopping becomes less necessary.
- Alice
P.S.: If you would like to share other smoking cessation suggestions for others, please send them to Alice — Thanks!
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Convincing someone to give up smoking
