I was just reading your archives on Long Distance Relationships and I couldn't help but think about my own Long Distance Relationship (LDR). I've been involved in an LDR for almost three years now and the relationship that I have with my boyfriend is still going strong. (He's in California and I'm in Hawaii.) A lot of my friends cannot fathom what being in an LDR for so long is like, and many of them would end the relationship if their partners would move away. I am proof that LDRs can work, as long as both people make an effort to keep their relationship alive. What keeps our relationship alive is our modified mindset. We don't see our LDR as a handicap, but as a temporary advantage. Why? Because being away from each other gives us the opportunity to really appreciate each other as people and to accept each other as we are. In addition, we have learned how to communicate with each other effectively. Every night we'd also meet online in a chatroom and we also have digital cameras set up to our computers so we can still see each other every night. And those conference programs like CoolTalk and Netmeeting are a dream! So, I just wanted to say that LDRs can and do work out, and hopefully some of your readers won't give up hope. Good luck!

GSA

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Dear Alice,

In Long Distance Relationships, Helpless in DC wrote asking for advice about beginning a long distance relationship. Your response was delightfully realistic, but you left out some factors that Helpless, and anyone considering a LDR at the beginning of college, should think about.

Long-distance relationships are generally difficult to maintain when one or both of the people involved go to college because it's such a time of personal change. When you move to a new place and start meeting a lot of new people, some of whom are hitting on you, it becomes difficult to keep in mind a person who is close to 3000 miles away. Especially because this is a new relationship, Helpless should be realistic about what he expects from his new girlfriend. It's probably best to go into it with a "whatever happens happens" mentality. His girlfriend should not let her relationship with Helpless keep her from seizing the day and meeting a lot of new people at college, and Helpless should not let himself limit his girlfriend's social development or make her feel guilty about being social at college.

If they find that they want to be together but that it's just not feasible at this stage, they might consider having an open relationship, where they maintain not-exactly-platonic contact when possible, but are both also allowed to date other people. That way, Helpless's new girlfriend can continue to meet people and date during her first year at college, and Helpless himself can try to broaden his social circle in DC. It's possible that they'll both find people that they want to go out with in their respective cities, which would be easier relationships to maintain (and possibly more fulfilling), and at that point they can decide to remain friends, because they haven't lost contact.

Best of luck to Helpless in DC and the many others (like myself) who are trying to pursue a long-distance relationship in college.

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(3)
Alice,

I, too, was reading your archives on LDRs and I just can't help but say that LDRs can end up being some of the healthiest relationships of all. I, myself, am in a LDR (one established online), and I can safely say that this is the healthiest, happiest, most fulfilling relationship that I've ever been in. We talk online, we talk on the phone, we use webcams, send each other packages via snail mail, and use whatever means necessary to communicate with one another. As was already stated, being so far away from one another can really establish that solid foundation that two people SHOULD use to have a relationship with someone, and make you appreciate the things that wholly make up a person. Even though he is a state away, we have connected on levels that have affected both of us deeper than just plain out physical contact could have achieved. We have made plans for me to move there once I graduate high school and finish this term in college. (I currently attend college and high school concurrently.)

To whoever thinks that an LDR just simply cannot work: It takes just as much work to be in a great relationship with someone 10 inches away than it does to be in one 1,000 miles away.