Dear Reader,

Regardless of how we look, it's normal to feel uneasy, anxious, awkward, or vulnerable when you're fully undressed in front of your partner. We can be overly critical when it comes to our bodies and how we believe others perceive ourselves. And, as you already realize, the way we think about ourselves can tie us down and unfairly prevent us from expressing our true desires.

No one has a perfect body. If you've read Alice's answer to Hairless models: What's their secret?, you'd know that even those "perfect-looking" models really are not what they appear to be themselves either.

Does your boyfriend expect you to look like a supermodel? Chances are that he doesn't. He may even have similar concerns himself and wonder if you expect him to look like a beach bum or lifeguard. Why not have a heart-to-heart with him and discover what both of you find attractive in each other. Your and his perspectives may be encouraging and supportive to both of you.

If you continue to have low self-esteem or are unhappy with your body image, take a class that deals with boosting the self-esteem and confidence of women. Try the neighborhood YW-/YMCA or a community center or college for this or similar workshops. Also check out Struggling with low self-esteem in Alice's Emotional Health archives for some self-esteem boosters, and the About-Face! web site, which is a San Francisco-based grassroots organization that educates about body image and body acceptance. Some books you can read include:

• Joan J. Brumberg's, The Body Project: An Intimate History of American Girls
• Rita Freedman's, Bodylove: Learning to Like Our Looks — and Ourselves and That Special You: Feeling Good about Yourself
• Marcia Hutchinson's, Transforming Body Image: Learning to Love the Body You Have
• Joni E. Johnston's, Appearance Obsession: Learning to Love the Way You Look
• Susie Orbach's, Fat Is a Feminist Issue
• Kaz Cooke's, Real Gorgeous: The Truth about Body and Beauty
• Judith Rodin's, Body Traps: Breaking the Binds that Keep You from Feeling Good about Your Body
• Linda Sanford and Mary Donovan's, Women & Self-Esteem
• Charles R. Schroeder's, Fat Is Not a Four-Letter Word
• Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse's, Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth
• Naomi Wolf's, The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty are Used Against Women

You can also talk with your health care provider for more information and/or a referral to a therapist or group that specializes in this area to help you develop a healthy self-image and learn to accept your body and who you are.

Alice

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