Dear Very Confused,

It sounds like you are faced with a pretty common dilemma: wanting to make your own decisions about your behaviors while your friends are putting on the pressure. It's great that you want to collect some information so that you can weigh the options in your own mind. Maybe you can even bring some of the info back to your pals! People smoke for many different reasons. Some do it because they think it looks cool. Others saw their family members smoke and see smoking as "a grown up thing to do" or that it makes them seem mature. Some people like the feelings commonly associated with smoking — relaxation and stress relief. Many people, women especially, smoke because they think it will help them control their weight. Many continue to smoke cigarettes not because they want to, but because they're addicted and are having trouble quitting. And still others, some perhaps like you, smoke because they feel pressure from their peers and are concerned that they won't be accepted if they say no; or, they say yes to something that is offered to them because they want to seem gracious.

Some things to keep in mind as you make your decision to smoke or not to smoke include:

• Many people start smoking with the intention of just doing it once in a while. But, cigarettes contain nicotine, a highly addictive substance. Nicotine affects the brain in such a way that the brain sends messages saying, "Keep doing that!" It may also make you feel calm and relaxed, and it suppresses hunger pangs. These factors may make you want to continue to smoke and will make it increasingly difficult for you to stop.
• The health risks associated with smoking certainly increase when the quantity and frequency of use goes up. The Alcohol, Nicotine, and Other Drugs archive explains the effects smoking has on your body. If you were really able to limit your smoking to one cigarette, once a week, the dangers would not be as serious as for a person smoking a pack a day. But this, as has been explained, is a tough thing to do.
• Something else to consider is how much second-hand smoke you'll inhale while hanging out with your smoking peers. Studies have shown that non-smokers suffer the negative effects associated with lighting up when they breathe the air that smokers exhale.

While a number of varieties of cigarettes claim to contain less tar and/or less nicotine, these products still have the same addictive and health-related consequences as other cigarettes. There is no safe cigarette. You can look at Low tar and nicotine cigarette? for more information.

One last, but certainly not least, thought: you mentioned that your friends have been calling you a jerk when you choose not to smoke with them. You also emphasized the fact that you haven't TOUCHED a cigarette in your life. One way to handle peer pressure is to be clear about yourself and your responses. "No, thank you" is perfect to say and to leave it at that. You don't have to give reasons.

It's important for you to make decisions about your behavior that will make you feel good about yourself and coincide with what you think is important. If your friends don't treat you and your decisions with respect, it may be time to reconsider their friendship. Do you want to hang out with people who call you names and encourage you to do things that you don't want to do or may harm you? Many people who don't smoke, or, if they do, would support you in whatever decision you make, and maybe these people are worth cultivating as friends.

Alice

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