Dear Alice,

This is in response to Older guy went too far. I would strongly encourage this girl, and anyone else who's ever felt the way she did, to figure out her limits, define them clearly in her head, talk about them with boyfriends, if necessary, and ENFORCE those limits. There were many, many times in my life when I wish I had told someone to stop doing something. I am a very shy person, and I was often too scared to tell my boyfriends when to stop. I constantly regret not saying or doing something when I was in an uncomfortable physical situation. If this girl (and others) doesn't start making her feelings known, she is going to be left feeling empty and violated. The worst part is that she'll know it's because she didn't speak up and try to enforce her boundaries, and that there is really no one else to blame. It is true that it is the responsibility of the partner to be careful not to violate you, but it is hard for them to know what's a violation and what's not if you don't tell them. This girl (and everyone else) also needs to know that how far she goes sexually should be determined by her own emotions and thoughts, not by what anyone else says. She should not feel as though she "has" to do anything sexual for someone else. And just so she knows, there is not necessarily any "what girls his age do"... some girls who are eighteen have babies and some are still virgins... the same with twenty-five-year-olds I'm sure. I actually knew a girl who went away to college never having been french kissed (she was seventeen or eighteen).

In other words, define what you want to do by your feelings and thoughts and then make those things known to your boyfriends (/girlfriends). If they can't respect your requests, they probably aren't worth your while. Trust me -- I know.

Signed,
Been there myself