This is in response to Girlfriend gets scared every time I say, "I love you." First of all, I can relate. I have spent the past four years saying that I didn't want to hear, "I Love You," from a man. I got into this mindset from an abusive boyfriend and related love to abuse. It is very true that the girl is probably scared and insecure. But I would guess that deep down inside, she really DOES want to hear, "I love you." I would suggest telling her that you DO love her, and that you aren't saying it to get her to say it back, or to get some sort of reaction. Tell her that you are saying it because it makes you feel good to say it to her. Talk about why it scares her and that counseling is a very good idea. Make sure she understands that you say it because IT IS HOW YOU FEEL, not something you say to put her under pressure.

And don't give up. If you two aren't right together, it will end. But if you are right together, and you really love her, give her time. It is something that is overcomable. Believe me, I love to hear those three little words now, when they are said sincerely.

Good Luck.

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Hello!

I can understand that it would be very annoying and frustrating to have a girlfriend reject or hesitate when "I love you" is said (from my perspective, a female). I have been in bad relationships, am an assault survivor, and didn't have a totally good family life, etc. So when it comes to relationships with men, I hesitate at times. It doesn't mean I don't love him back. Depending on the relationship, I do love him. I am just scared about getting hurt again or having the relationship end up bad. Sometimes it takes me longer to trust after being assaulted. It is difficult to explain how we (abuse and rape survivors) respond to relationships because we all are at different stages of trying/working through what happened. I don't know if this is the situation with your girlfriend. Personally, I hope that my next boyfriend will give me time and not move too quickly. I know, myself, I have to watch so I don't push a guy I like and love away because of what has happened. It is so easy to because of fear. I look at it this way: if things were meant to be, time won't matter quite as much.

I have heard this said, "Women are so difficult to understand." My response, "I know we are and so are some men." I haven't mastered why yet even through reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and other books on relationships. I am not saying to live life out of a book. I think that some of us women just need that caring, sensitivity, etc., and for others, they aren't used to the caring and sensitivity.

If someone is nice and we are used to the shallow, non-caring relationship, we may go, "Wow, this is such a relief to be with him. Oh my gosh, is it going to remain this way or is it just an act!"

Really, good luck. I hope I find someone who is caring. I have found relationships are never that easy.

Alice