Dear KraZy,

Anal sex shouldn't hurt. Having hemorrhoids can make anal sex painful. People who find anal sex painful often do not use enough water-based lube; others are not relaxed or aroused enough. Using lots of lube — which makes anal (and vaginal) sex more slippery and wet — can increase pleasure for both you and your partner. Relaxation will also minimize or prevent the possibility of tearing the thin lining of the rectum, and make insertion easier and more comfortable. Some people relax by taking a warm bath; others begin with a massage, starting with the butt and inner thighs, then gently playing in and around the anal sphincter with a finger. As the sensations become more comfortable and pleasurable, some people experiment by placing more fingers inside the anus. Others might progress to a small sex toy, or be ready to be penetrated by a larger toy, or even a penis. Communication with your partner about what feels good and how you want to be touched is essential for enjoyable anal play.

Although you can have anal sex when you have hemorrhoids, it's better to wait until they've healed. Friction and pressure from penetration can cause further irritation, discomfort, and pain. In addition, hemorrhoids that bleed may place you at increased risk for HIV infection, since the HIV virus can be transmitted more easily through an open "cut" or "wound." Whenever you have anal sex — if you have hemorrhoids or not — it's safer to use condoms and lube if you don't know your partner's HIV status.

For additional info about anal health and sex play, look for the books Anal Pleasure And Health by Jack Morin, Ph.D. and The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women by Tristan Taormino.

Alice

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