You gave the poor girl good advice but didn't go far enough. My wife of 17 years had a similar experience while a student at Oklahoma U. in the early 1970s. While we were dating, she never mentioned anything about it although I always had a feeling that somewhere along her past she had been sexually abused. Finally, less than a year ago, I directly confronted her and she said that she was a victim of date rape at a frat party. It turned her life around as she became introverted even more than she was. At that time, a girl didn't talk about such things as it was considered her fault. I asked and begged that she seek counseling (I even called the date rape hotline to educate myself), but she refused. Still to this day, she will quickly change the subject on first time sex. What your writer needs to consider is to be open and frank with a serious suitor about what happened and that she just isn't ready to go all the way. She might consider asking a serious romantic to attend counseling with her. Any guy who refuses is not worthy of this girl and he is only after one thing. She needs to work on her self-esteem, don't hate all men, and be open with one who desires to become close. That is the way to love which will last.

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Dear Alice,

I'd like to thank the husband for his very inspiring response. In less than one paragraph, you've managed to give me the courage to consider one day telling a boyfriend what happened to me. And, not care whether he decides to stick around after. Up until now, I had decided to simply take this experience to the grave. I survived an attempted attack by my cousin, someone I trusted and at one point respected. I thought I was strong enough to not let it affect me. But, during a women's studies class and a discussion on rape, all of the feelings just resurfaced. I'm not going to lie; today this has affected me in ways I never might have imagined. Every time I can feel myself becoming close to a man, this huge wall surfaces. I don't trust men. I don't want to be involved with anyone because I can't bring myself to feel that vulnerable again. But, I couldn't agree with you more in valuing how important it is to get the support that one needs in order to move on. I am so sorry to hear that your wife is not ready to confront this event. But, please know that she will benefit enormously from your support and someday, she will confront this when she is ready. The event itself has given me a renewed desire to continue working at a hotline. And, it has driven me to write poetry again. Very rarely had I allowed myself to fully experience the pain of what happened. And, at least now it lives within the safe confines of a page. Not just in my head. Or, more importantly, in my heart. After all, I need to save some room for a good man to come into my life.