This is in response to the woman who was trying to decide if she should have intercourse for the first time. She thought she was rushing into things, as she has only been with her boyfriend for three weeks.

When I first started going out with my boyfriend, the topic of sex also came up three weeks after we started dating. Since I had never been in this situation before, I sought advice from my friends, magazines, books, even the Internet, all of which left me confused. Was three weeks too long to wait? Finally, I asked myself what I wanted, not my boyfriend, not what society expected from me, but myself — only I could make this decision.

That is not to say it was perfect. Yet, because I knew he was the right person, I did not regret my decision one bit. One year later, it gets better and better.

Moral of the story? Who cares if it's only been three weeks. If he is the right guy, he will be the right guy from the beginning. As long as this is what you want, go for it (just be safe!)

Been there, done that

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(2)

Dear A.J.,

Personally, I think it is very wise to be questioning this. I also have a question to ask: if you are both virgins, would it not be better to keep it that way until you are married? What I mean is, if you are a bit apprehensive, maybe it would be better to wait and maximize the pleasure and the non-guiltiness. If you really love this guy, and he really loves and respects you (and this would be in my case), I suggest that you seriously consider just waiting a while.

In the meantime, discuss other things with him and try to keep your minds off sex while getting to know more about him. Considering what you have already said about him, it's possible that he has special beliefs about sex. Don't ask him that directly, but still, I think you will find that if you wait for the perfect guy, and for when you're married, the pleasure and love will be a whole lot more than if you had thrown it all away with a guy you don't know all that well.

Keep to kissing, and if you find that too provoking and tempting, try to even stay away from that. There is a lot more to love than just sex. ;)

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(3)

Dear A.J.,

You need to make this decision for YOUR reasons, whatever they may be. Most, or at least many young men (college age through their 20's), crave sex and eventually lack commitment. While they may truly care for you and even love you at this time, they are often scared off by the thought of "real commitment" at this age. Now, if you too care for them and feel that the next natural step in your relationship should be sexual intercourse, that is fine.

Many men have had several sexual partners before they finally marry. In some respect, that is good because they have had the opportunity to learn more about their own sexuality and have also experienced other partners to learn more about pleasing different women. From this perspective, a woman having similar sexual experiences prior to marriage is a good thing. Of course there are important things to consider, number one being SAFE, as in SAFER SEX — always protecting yourself from any sexually transmitted infections.

Remember, too, it is OK — actually wonderful — to enjoy and even crave sex! In my opinion a great relationship must have understanding and communication, including intimate pleasing of each other. "Girls on Spring Break" is just that — girls, not women, and certainly not wives. Every man's fantasy is to be with two women (or so they say), and I'm sure many women would enjoy two men, but those activities are not the kind of thing that lasting, loving, and truly pleasing sexual relationships are founded on. If you listen to your partner, be a little creative, and not settle into the same old thing, you can grow old loving your partner for a lifetime and having wonderful sex every night, or less if you desire. But, don't make the mistake of letting sex disappear from any relationship where you truly care about the individual.

And back to your situation. Don't ask others, ask yourself. Don't let anyone pressure you into sex if you are uncomfortable and don't think the time is right. If your partner cares for you, they'll be patient and it will be even better when you are ready.

Consider your relationship and be realistic on where you stand. Hey, even if it's a one night deal, if you practice safer sex and you both know it's a fling and not hurting anyone else, you're young, go for it. On the other hand, if you move in with a guy with the idea of living together until the "time is right" for marriage and you begin wondering why the time never seems right for your man, remember this: "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?!"