I have seen a couple of questions from readers who wanted help with verbally or otherwise expressing their "love" for friends of the same sex. I would like to address the confusion of what's "appropriate." Personally, I have little trouble telling my closest male friends that I love them, but I haven't told my girlfriend that I love her yet — they are very different kinds of love.

The Greeks always had a number of words for love — "phileo" for brotherly love, "eros" for erotic love, and "agape" for self-sacrificing love. Up until the 20th century, at least in Europe, it was not inappropriate or unusual for men to express affection for their male friends in letters, even going so far as to say things like, "I greet you with kisses." (There was nothing homosexual assumed at the time.)

Earlier in the 20th century, C.S. Lewis wrote of four loves, and one of those loves was Friendship (with a capital F). I would agree that friendship, phileo, is a kind of love, and both can and should be expressed in words — but only with those who are *very* close.

Thanks for letting me express myself, Alice!

-One of the Four

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(2)
Dear Alice,

I recently read a few Q&As about whether it's okay to love same sex friends and say so... Well, I'd like to say that it's not only okay, but it's actually a really great thing to do and a good way to bond and make a friendship last.

Just last week I was round at my best friend's house, and we were having one of the many deep talks that we tend to have. I was quite inebriated at the time, and I was telling him what a great friend he was, and he told me that I was his best friend and that he loved me. I returned this compliment by concurring and giving him a hug — and since then, he and I hug every time we meet or say goodbye.

It's a really fantastic thing to have in a friendship, and if you feel strongly for your friends, I'd recommend you let them know.

-Sir Hugsalot

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(3)
Dear Alice!,

The word "love" is so loaded in our culture that, of course, people might have some issues expressing such a sentiment to platonic friends. In popular culture, love=sex or, as another widely spread stereotype, love=marriage. Do movies or TV shows or pop songs ever express that love=friendship? Not that I've ever seen. With some of my closest friends, I have a good enough relationship that I can honestly say that I love them, or anything else for that matter, and they will understand and not judge. It all depends on your relationship and the honesty that goes along with it.

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(4)

To the reader:

As the previous respondent mentioned, there is brotherly love. I don't remember the greek term, but that's seems like what you have for your best same-sex friend. One way that might reduce his potential discomfort, and yours as well, is simply mentioning that it is brotherly love. For example "You're like my brother.", "I love you like a brother." It might also help if you're not making a big declaration of it, but using it in general, like "My brother finally..." (whatever is appropriate). This is probably relevant to telling someone that you love her like a sister, although the case is different. Hope this helps.