Dear Jessica,

A magic number doesn't answer the question, "How much sex is too much?", nor does a national average. Religion, culture, family values, and personal feelings and choice help define what each individual considers "enough" or "too much" sex. The question to consider then is: what makes you think your stats are off the charts? You mentioned that you're beginning to consider too much sex a bad thing. What is bad about it? Is it bad because it's unhealthy? Because your skin is tender? Because you're neglecting your school/work? Are you still eating and sleeping? Are you answering the mail and phone? Seeing your friends? Having fun? You need to begin this process by answering these questions, defining what you might consider to be "too much," and also identifying what's bad about it.

Unless your sexual behavior is interfering with your daily routine, it is likely that you and your partner have high sex drives and enjoy having sex together during this time period. Once you figure out or feel more comfortable with the frequency of your sex sessions, you and your partner won't need to take a mini vacation from them, but perhaps you'll consider planning a fabulous trip to a tropical island, in reality or in your imagination.

Nymphomania is not a disease or a clinical condition. More generically known as "promiscuity," nymphomania is a word that refers specifically to women who have an "excessive" or "insatiable sex drive." For men, the equivalent is known as Satyriasis or Don Juanism. Often, the term "nympho" is used in a derogatory way. In some instances, a woman may be called a "nympho" because she enjoys sex. In other instances, a woman might get stuck with this label by a partner who feels inadequate about his or her sexual desire or performance. Levels of sexual desire vary, as does the way they are perceived.

When having sex is seen as one's sole priority, resulting in the neglect of other important facets of life (e.g., working, socializing, and sleeping), an addiction or compulsion to sex is considered. Sexual addiction and compulsivity include any sexual behavior when "had" or done in an obsessive, uncontrollable, and/or irrational way that can become self-destructive. People with this diagnosis feel, and indeed may have, little or no control over sex, and medication may be in order.

You can learn more about some of the issues you raised. Carol Groneman's book, Nymphomania: A History, or Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.'s books, Don't Call It Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction and Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict, are places to start. But in the meantime, enjoy your energy together.

Alice

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